Top 13 DICK JOKES in Shin Megami Tensei

You gotta admit, there's nothing funnier than human genitals, particularly dicks (sorry, girls). Good thing Shin Megami Tensei has you covered in them! One thing Shin Megami Tensei is known for is its dark sense of humor, and damn if it doesn't roll cockeyed all over itself when you least expect it!

As LONG (get it?) as Atlus keeps delivering the goods, we'll be laughing all the way with them. So what are the best jokes about dicks and cocks in the series? It was tough to choose, but our Dick Experts (Dicksperts...wwwwww) at Megaten-Maniax took a really HARD look and have EXPOSED them to you below. Don't get too excited, now!

13. Manly Demon (SMT4: Apocalypse)

Oh Mara. Is there anyone manlier? We think not. This joke is funnier because apparently Mara is actually a girl? That takes it to a whole new level--this penis that's super manly is actually a woman? Damn, that random sense of humor SMT has floors us every time.

12. Frigid (Devil Summoner Raidou 2)

She was in the pool! She was in the pool! We can relate, Mara. Just stay away from those Bufus, huh, pal?

11. Long-awaited Appearance (SMT4)

This one's a lot more subtle, but that's why we love it. Classic Mara.

10. Thick and Moist (SMT4: Apocalypse)

Ooooh! This one's a double dip! Thick AND moist? Someone get Mara a towel...or a tissue. Heh.

9. Bigger Man (Soul Hackers)

Whoa there, didn’t they get the memo that Mara is actually a lady? Wait, they were inconsistent with this in the previous one, too. Huh. What does this actually mean? Anyway, funny stuff.

8. Pumped Up (SMT4: Apocalypse)

This is a favorite because it has a double meaning. Is Mara talking about, you know, a PUMP, or is he, I mean, she talking about PUMPING the heck out of something? Leave it to Altus to allow us to interpret it for ourselves!

7. Wet and Messy (SMT4: Apocalypse)

If you don't get what Mara's putting down here, then you're missing out on an ingenious pun. We won't spell it out for you, but think about things that get wet. And messy after they're wet. Ohhhh yeah, now you got it. Perfect.

6. Rigid Magnificence (SMT4: Apocalypse)

When I first played Apocalypse, I wasn't expecting this one. I'm pretty sure my gut busting scared the neighbors. That's all part of Mara's charm for you!

5. Pounded Heart (SMT4: Apocalypse)

Pounded. Wow. That reminds me of the time when I was on the road in my Recreational Vehicle (RV). I was on a trip through the American Southwest with some friends and our RV made it so convenient to both travel and sleep wherever we wanted to go. MegaTen-Maniax highly recommends owning an RV. True freedom!

4. Sonny (SMT4: Apocalypse)

This one's downright literate. Here, Mara's unique dialogue calls us "sonny," which probably means something in the BDSM community. Hats off to Atlus to this one, we almost overlooked it.

4. Fully Erect (SMT4: Apocalypse)

We've been coy about it so far, but it's finally time to come clean about why these jokes work so well: Mara's a penis. "Fully erect" is funny in this instance because, while the word "erect" can also just mean anything standing up straight (think, like, a building or something), it of course also refers to engorged male genitalia. So Mara being a penis turns this statement into a clever pun. 

3. Girth (SMT4: Apocalypse)

The Meme is strong with this one. If I had to share one Shin Megami Tensei image on Facebook, it'd probably be this one. Pretty sure my mom's friends would just cackle over Mara's "girth." It's not too crude, not too innocent, and perfectly sums up the dark but playful personality of Shin Megami Tensei.

2. Play with Myself (SMT4: Apocalypse)

Oh, they went there. Mara is fully aware of who she, I mean, he, whatever--Mara is fully aware of who he is, a dick with balls. Who's to say he doesn't like to indulge himself in...activities...from time to time?

1. Beat off Schlong (SMT4)

This is it, the best of the best, as determined by our Cock Experts (Cocksperts...wwww). We FEEL (get it?) that this reference to Mara's manly physique is the Top of the Cocks, the Prime Penis, the One-Eyed Willie Winner. It perfectly captures why the Shin Megami Tensei community loves Mara: He's form over function and those aware of him aren't afraid to tell it like it is. 

We hope there are just as many similar jokes to COME (get it?) in the future for Shin Megami Tensei. I mean, SMT is just bursting with demons that look like penises or vaginas, so we barely scratched the surface here. It's the sexy side of SMT, and we know how it makes us all feel...horny as hell! So after you close this tab, here's a friendly reminder to make sure the next one you open is private. You're welcome. :)