LUCIFER FOR PREZ, 2020: Why SMT's Bay Boy Would Make a Great Commander-in-Chief

Shin Megami Tensei is full of big-headed morons who think they know what's best for everyone. Sound familiar, anyone? Yeah, I thought so. Just like our politicians in Washington, most Shin Megami Tensei characters end up being infuriating nitwits who can't see the big picture. 

But there's one obvious exception: Lucifer. How awesome is Lucifer? He's always there to give his side of the story, an alternate view that some (coughyhvhcough) would rather see censored and away from public view. But if some crusty old man in the sky is so scared by what Lucifer says, then there has to be some ring of truth to it, eh? 

That's why we think Lucifer, if he were real, would make for one of the finest Presidents America or the rest of the free world has ever known. Not convinced? Well, here are just a few reasons you'd want to vote for Lucifer in 2020:

Lucifer Understands People

Lucifer is possibly the most relatable, sympathetic character in the Shin Megami Tensei mythos. He's a people person, with humanity's interests at heart--he understands that people want NEW things, not the same old order that no longer works. He wouldn't just drain the swamp, he'd pave over it and build a new strip mall right on top. Of all the Law and Chaos figures in SMT, Lucifer is the one you'd mostly likely want to share a beer with. Do you need a better endorsement than that?

Lucifer Advocates True Freedom

Lucifer's philosophy throughout the series is simple: People should be able to live their lives as they wish. No meddling from "higher" orders. Plus he has a whole legion of demons under his control who would be able to enforce this complete and total take on liberty; the weaklings who would wish for Law would be totally annihilated, no questions asked. Is there anything more American than the kind of true freedom Lucifer represents? It's like the perfect crystallization of what our founding fathers would have wanted. 

Lucifer Is a Great Negotiator 

Lucifer is one of the smartest characters in Shin Megami Tensei and probably the most adept at getting people to come to terms on things. How else can you explain why there have been multiple Chaos Heroes in the series, all of them swayed by Lucifer's wordsmithery? Lucifer is simply the best when it comes to building bridges between parties, and I'm sure he would be completely effective in politics when it came to domestic or foreign policy.

Lucifer Will Repeal Ancient, Outdated Laws 

Lucifer knows America was built on a false foundation of Christian laws and ethics. Not only would they be some of the first things to go during his first 100 days of office, he would create a new culture in their place, one based on the ethics of nature--human nature. Anything that hinders the development of that nature, be it law, organization, or individual, will be completely eliminated in Lucifer's America.

Lucifer Isn't Afraid to Get His Hands Dirty

Lucifer is a completely hands-on character throughout the entirety of the Shin Megami Tensei series. He doesn't just send his lackeys to scope out conflicts for him, he's right there in the thick of things. He's like a Grant or an Eisenhower, a warrior who became a man of the people. Someone down-to-earth like Lucifer would tackle issues head-on, and solicit the opinions from the real people who live in less than ideal conditions, something lacking from most politicians of today.

Lucifer Is All About Getting Things Done 

Lucifer's plans in Shin Megami Tensei always come to fruition (unless you choose otherwise, but why would you do that?), and they come to fruition in short order. Lucifer and his regal servants are efficient, motivated workers that could wipe out poverty, starvation, cancer, and other social issues in no time flat. The way I see it, it would be the only effective way to truly solve these human rights violations given the snail's pace of modern bureaucracies and corporations.

Lucifer Will Create New Jobs for a New World

Lucifer's vision for a New World Order will of course mean the end for many professions and cultural traditions around the world. But in their place will rise new jobs that will keep the best among us employed, with almost guaranteed lifetime careers. How could he promise this? It's all due to a multi-step plan he has for the world's future that includes special considerations for those who follow him closest. I would check his campaign website for more details, whenever that should release.

Lucifer Is Neither Pro-Life Nor Pro-Choice: He's Just a Pro 

Lucifer would be a candidate with literally no cons or negatives. He's a pro and a consummate professional. He's always dressed to the nines and intensely charismatic. He's honest and isn't afraid to tell the entire truth when the situation requires it. Is it any surprise, then, that he's one of Shin Megami Tensei's most popular characters? In a series and an entire world, really, where objective truth is often hard to come by, Lucifer is a breath of fresh, apocalyptic (in the "revealing" sense) air.

Lucifer Loves Dank Recreational Vehicle Adventuring 

Lucifer is not a man without hobbies, and I know on good faith that one of the things he loves is gearing up his favorite model of recreational vehicle and setting out on the open road. Because of his extensive travels, Lucifer is already aware of the rotten state of much of American infrastructure, so fixing it will be a top priority for his administration. Without our roads and other infrastructure, how would most people access the greatest natural wonders America has to offer, like the Grand Canyon, Old Faithful, or Mount Rushmore? Lucifer loves America, and it would be one of his priorities for all of America to continue to be available for All Americans.

Lucifer Will Make All of Our Wildest Fantasies a Reality

Besides his lack of drawbacks, his empathy for the average American, his strength of will, his hands-on approach, and his promise for true freedom, Lucifer has the power to reshape our world as we desire, so long as it harmonizes with his own goals. But this is not too much to ask, as what he wants is probably what the average American wants: Power and influence, wealth, orgiastic sex, completely free speech, the right to carry and use weapons, all-you-can-eat buffets, the right to take what should be yours, endless vacations, and new Star Wars movies every year. No other candidate could offer so much and yet guarantee it will all happen. So why not vote for Lucifer in 2020? Think of it not in how much you might gain from electing him, but by how much you would lose from not. 

Like Lucifer? Gonna vote for him in 2020? Let us know in the comments!